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Author - graham

Late Traveller and facilitator looking forward to sharing my travel journey as I backpack around South East Asia and maybe the world.

Local guide in Cambodia

October 12, 20195 min read

Being in Cambodia for over 6 months has meant I have gotten to know many people well. Everyone I meet here is very friendly, helpful and always willing to go out of their way to show you places. They happily explain things in their country and also about their culture.

Special friendships

When you stay in a place for a while you form good friendships, some even special ones. One, in particular, stands out in that she is a friend of the owners of the farm where I am working and lives in Phnom Penh the capital. She offered to take me out and visit places that I guess normal tourists would not see.

I have to be honest, I have a strange feeling about the Capital here in Cambodia. It seems slightly different from any other in South East Asia. Read my post on the killing fields and you will get a feeling as to why, although I suspect that is not the sole reason.

Anyway, I spend a large amount of my time on the farm and whilst Kampot is nice and quaint for a day to rest it doesn’t have the appeal of a big city. Not that I miss that, but sometimes it is nice to go to places that are completely different from where you spend most of your time.

A different side to Phnom Penh

So visiting a city with a local guide who is offering to take me around is something you shouldn’t pass up.

We had some fun times, she introduced me to where the locals eat, cheap but amazing Khmer food full of flavour.

My first breakfast noodles in the local market full of pretty much everything you could think of. All for a couple of $s and whilst I confess to being the only non-Khmer in the whole market. She put me at ease by explaining everything and when people saw we were just friends they relaxed.

Here although not spoken about, it is very common for white guys to come and take Cambodian women as partners. Normally those of a younger age to themselves, so it does cause some interest when they see you together.

Shows of affection in public are frowned upon in most of Asia. So if you are lucky enough to meet a beautiful partner in Asia, be aware of their customs and show respect not only for the person you are with but also those around you.

Very rarely they will say anything but you should understand their feelings towards this.

Island Life

She also took me to one of the local islands here in Kampot where I found a local place to relax and unwind. We had a fun few days, swimming, eating and drinking lots, looking out on to sea as the sunset on the horizon. It made you feel pretty special and when you see how limited life is here. How, happy people, are you can totally get why some people think of South East Asia as paradise.

I learned that if you act like a local, things seem to be easier, cheaper. They relax more around you as they suddenly don’t see you as a tourist.

I have learned to like the local way, if I go to a city and I hire a tuk-tuk for the day then I ask him to take me to where he would eat.

The food is great, cheap and yes people at first look at you and wonder why you don’t want to eat in an air-conditioned restaurant. But I feel they appreciate you more for being with them

Dark days

I tried much more food than I had in Kampot on these trips to the city and enjoyed the company. Learning more about Cambodian culture and listening to accounts of their dark history.

She told me about her family and how her parents lost siblings during those horrible days.

A family member who I was lucky enough to meet gave me a book of her account of the Khmer Rouge years. Which I must say is very honest and explains things in a way that seems deeper than the usual stories. I guess actually meeting the author and seeing the real person gives you a different feeling when reading her story.

 

Birthday treat

Probably the only time I dressed up since being in Asia.  So as it was her birthday I wanted to thank her for all the time she had spent taking me around and introducing me to the other side of her city. So I took her to her favourite restaurant and we had the most amazing meal I have had in Cambodia.

I am now comfortable to visit Phnom Penh and wander around and say hello to the many friends she has introduced me to.

Even the waiter wanted his photo taken
May 1st Happy Birthday Vina

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t see much of her these days, as she seems to have found a guy who is making her happy and obviously it is not appropriate to still go out on your own with other guys who are single. But I will treasure the time we spent together and appreciate everything she did for me and wish her luck for the future.

And who knows maybe there will be an invite to another wedding🤣

September 2019

October 3, 20194 min read

A lot has changed in 12 months

For once, I am now looking to actually plan for the next 12 months ahead, albeit tentatively.

I have been based in the same place for the many months now, finding a home from home.

Whilst I love it here, and will stay for a few more months I will eventually be continuing on my journey to the destinations I had already marked for my original route.

I am still on a budget, but things have been okay for now, but I have learned it will take some planning to continue my travels for as long as I can.

You will see over the next 12 months more workaway places that I will work from and in different countries, as well as a few surprises in store.

I will also have a few friends joining me on my travels who I am really looking forward to seeing.

But Back to the Present

Sept has shown me some unusual turn of events, from realizing more about myself to understanding more about other people both new and old friends.

A visit back to Singapore exactly one year after I arrived there from the UK.

This time there is no F1 Grand Prix but rather places of interest to visit including Gardens by the Bay where you can learn a lot more about climate change here in South East Asia and the effect it is having on the local areas.

I also purchased a new pair of glasses that not only cost 1/2 the price from the UK but also were ready in less than 6 hours.

Saying goodbye to some friends and saying hello to new ones which hopefully will stay in touch for a long time.

A weekend in Jakarta was a plus where I turned out to be the only western guy at a local live band where they did an impromptu performance of Oasis just for me 🙂

Improvements in my life

I feel that in a year I have honestly changed considerably.

Not just physically either, I have lost 18kg, look better and I am probably fitter than I was in my 30s.

My mind has also changed, I feel more aware of my surroundings, clearer on what my future is and although I still have the odd moment of weakness I am very thankful for my life that has developed here in Asia.

Every day I realize how fortunate I am to be healthy, happy and have the chances that are open to me.

I am still enjoying meeting new people, new cultures, both local to Asia and further afield.

And maybe one day that special someone who can make me complete.

But let us not get ahead of ourselves, that is not my sole aim and is certainly not something I am looking for right now,

It will happen when it is meant to.

I have to Thank a few people for getting me where I am today, Dominic for being there on the other end of the phone for a chat and to put things into perspective. Chris for the continuing support every month.

My adopted Sister, Petra for giving me a kick up the backside when I needed it. Mark, Rob and many more for the constant contact and always seemingly knowing when that message needs to be sent.

My confidant who offers continued support when I have moments of “Why does this happen to me” you know who you are and I love you for it.😃

Just as important to me

Jen Sincero for writing an amazing book which really does make a difference. You are a Badass check it out if you are serious about changing your attitude on life.

Ed Sheeran and Maroon 5 for writing some amazing music which seems to have a special meaning at times.

And Lastly for all the volunteers who have arrived at the farm, stayed, got to know me and still seem to want to keep in touch, even after spending two weeks with me 🤣

You may enjoy romantic travel flings, but will your heart?

September 30, 20197 min read

So, one of the reasons for escaping my country to travel was, indeed because of a woman. There, having finally admitted it, and whilst it wasn’t the 1st or 2nd reason it was certainly in the top 5.

Most people say that running away from your problems is not the answer and I will agree.

However, sometimes putting some distance between yourself and that which causes you pain is not necessarily a bad thing.

Travelling for a long time means that commitment can be a problem.

Meeting a beautiful girl in say Thailand, only to find yourself living in Japan is hardly going to bring happiness to either party for very long.

So, meet people and enjoy their company but don’t promise anything or commit to something you may not be able to fulfil.

I have my own commitment issues anyway, so, finding that special person will be harder than most. I am old fashioned I need to make a connection to someone before anything physical happens.

Most of my relationships have taken a good 6 months to know the person before being comfortable with them. Equally, my days of drinking at the bar and taking a girl home are long gone.

Are 2 weeks enough to meet someone and know you want more?

Who knows, for me, yes, but everyone is different.

Maybe though you have to be willing to take more of a chance whilst travelling?

A very old friend, told me before I embarked on this journey that you have to be at one with the world.

Be available to all the possibilities that will surround you and be open too listen, see and feel things.

This does take some doing. Especially when you do not have a plan for how your life will go for the next 12 months.

I haven’t quite mastered the art of it all yet, as you will see from this story.

We are all human and therefore without any fixed plans. We can falter quickly and revert inside ourselves because we feel insecure, lonely and lost without direction.

That said, if you can reach this place, even some of the time, it is great, your life will change because you are open to suggestions and the world around you.

I didn’t really believe in the spiritual side of life, but I have started to feel differently in this last 12 months.

Maybe being out in the world, without the pressure of everything we become used to. The stress of my past life has gone, faded away into the far recesses of my mind or maybe lost forever?

It’s about finding a balance when you are travelling, finding companionship is good and natural and helps you grow.

Learning about people, remembering to put them first and give them attention, care and love is good and should never be forgotten or undervalued.

But also you need to be selfish from time to time as well.

The Holiday fling

Therefore, most people will enjoy the “holiday fling” as it will be an excuse to be adventurous.

Maybe the romance of a Thai island or a beach in Bali is all that you need to experience a bit of intimacy for a night or two. With someone, you would not normally look at dating, maybe older or younger or from a different culture.

A beautiful sunset, a late-night swim in a pool alone, delicious cocktails or just a desire to be intimate is all that is needed to make it special.

I have had my fair share of travel flings with people who I found myself attracted too.  Liked for the time we were together whilst travelling or maybe through friends you meet along the way.

Whatever the reason the time spent is great and you can enjoy it as long as both parties are on the same page then it’s all good.

And you don’t intentionally hurt anyone ( it can still happen with all the best intentions)

Having met many people in various circumstances I have always been in control of my feelings and what might happen. If the girl is maybe wanting more then stopping things before they get out of hand is a good thing.

It is not right to hurt someone just for a night of sex.

But beware the beating Heart!

Sometimes though the heart can have other ideas. When it is exposed to too much emotion it becomes unguarded and gets hurt. So when someone came along at a time when I was feeling good about myself I was unprepared.

When my life and the place I was at both physically and spiritually was perfect.

I was obviously not as tuned in to my surroundings as I thought.

Two weeks went by quite quickly and we became good friends. I would like to think that anyway. Sharing good food and conversation late into the night. Even with other people were around us,  it felt special like we shared something intimate.

Now, a lot of my friends and past partners will say I can be a bit of a flirt at times. Nothing too serious but when I am relaxed I guess I can be quite charming. Normally I don’t let it go too far and try to keep in check my feelings so it doesn’t cause an issue to anyone.

However, on this occasion, I guess it was reciprocated and things became more relaxed.

Until a chance to be alone, led to some physical contact that was gentle and nice. A kiss, a hug, a feeling of happiness and a few words about what was happening.

Commitment

Like I said I don’t really do commitment and the other person made it clear that they weren’t looking for it either.

This is where wires got crossed because whilst the next two nights were amazing, a feeling not experienced for a long time I assumed we would have more.

A closeness that went from special to bliss, passion in abundance and let’s say we shared many hours together.

As you become more mature you realise that having a close bond with someone physically is great. But that closeness you share afterwards when you are wrapped in each other’s arms can be more sensual than anything else.

The slightest touch can resonate deeply within your soul.

Maybe, for this reason, I felt I wanted more, and yet I didn’t want a long term relationship with someone who was a lot younger and clearly didn’t want to be tied down.

Fully understanding she wanted to travel on her own and like me, be open to the possibilities that come along.

Maybe someone else or maybe not…

Regret

So, wanting more than what would have been a couple of nights I held back.

Letting my head control my feelings and ignored my heart to lessen any hurt. It’s not a nice feeling when a beautiful girl wants you and you refuse because of some fear inside yourself.

Hopefully, she didn’t feel it was any reflection on her.

She is a very beautiful woman and the regret is that I didn’t fully embrace life at that moment. Because time is all we have and it can never be reset.

It would have been even more magical than what we had if I had gone with my heart. I had hoped that not giving in to my desires would make her want me more, maybe give me a chance to see her again.

We were both travelling in certain countries around the same time so the hope was a second meeting.

However, she had other ideas, at first annoyed I had not given her what she wanted, she quickly dismissed it and moved on. She was happy with that short time and was off on her travels looking for what lies ahead of her.

Whilst, I was left wondering how it might have been if I had given in to my desires.

Would the feeling I have now, been stronger or weaker?

For most of us, holiday flings will be good, simple unattached and not complicated. The few I have experienced were all that.

But every now and then, one comes along, that pulls at your heart, and you can never be sure how it will end.

 

 

 

 

 

Khmer New Year

September 22, 20193 min read

Bon Chol Chhnam Thmei

The first day is called Moha Songkran

Belief is that a new angel or god will protect them throughout the coming year.

Families clean their houses and decorate with incense sticks and offerings of fruits, flowers, and cans of coke left in the spirit house that guards the entrance to homes, normally a small shrine that is placed outside the house in the garden or land.

They give offerings during the year to keep away evil spirits.

( Cambodians are very big believers on spiritual things and ghosts)

Disturbing a place where ghosts are said to live, is a bad omen and should be avoided at all costs.

The second day is called Wanabat

Which is the day for giving, where parents receive gifts and so do elders in the villages, children also receive new clothes and the older ones are donated to the poor.

Because I was staying in one of the provinces we all headed to the local pagoda where people sought blessings from the monks.

In the grounds of the pagoda, they hung ceramic pots on a string above head height and people queued up to be blindfolded and walk towards the pots.

If they can swing a stick and smash the pot they win the contents.

Which are normally coins, toothbrushes and other little gifts which the surrounding children rush to grab before you can take your blindfold off.

If successful you are normally given some money, but win or not it is always good fun as you cannot see what you are doing.

Any help you get by a Cambodian in charge or a friend ( if you don’t understand Khmer) is normally drowned out by the noise of the crowd cheering you.

 

The last day is called Tanai Lieang Saka

Which means new beginning, people visit the monks again for a blessing before enjoying celebrations with the family either at home or by going to neighboring places such as the local islands for the day.

Rabbit Island is the nearest to us and is inundated with the local families going for either a day trip or overnight, see my post on Koh Tonsai

Great enjoyment whether you see all the days or just celebrate one day, families meet for maybe the only time during the year, as many live away from homes due to working in the large cities, where they can earn more money.

 

August 2019

September 17, 20192 min read

French Colonization

So Cambodia has a connection with France for over 90 years. History has the french ruling here from 1863 until independence in 1953.

They increased the production of Pepper here in Cambodia and exported it all back to France as french pepper which at its height was about 8000 tonne annually.

So in August 2019, we were blessed with some amazing volunteers on the farm who came to help out and left a lasting impression here in Cambodia.

Together with a very special lady from Japan who was our first Southeast Asian volunteer left us some great paintings to treasure and I cannot forget the really early morning yoga.

Which made me feel very lazy (although I do exercise for a brief time in the mornings)

Bonjour, je m’appelle Maurice 😂

From the shy Maxime who quickly found his voice and became a big hit with his karaoke skills to the impressive girls in Alicia and Zoe.

Both amazing people who added value to the farm and the pepper tours, one in particular who managed to entertain the tourists on the tour longer than me ( I thought I could talk a lot)

Both I am sure will go onto greater things in their life.

Whatever happens, one certainly made an impression on mine and taught me a lot about living in the here and now.

Many thanks for that, hopefully, I will continue to learn as I grow.

or as the French say Merci et bonne nuit 🙂

July 2019

September 16, 20192 min read

Month 11th of my travels

Had to travel back to Singapore for a brief few days after finding both my Laptop and phone died in the same month.

Luckily for the purpose of leaving the UK and travelling, I carried extra stuff ( effectively 2 of everything apart from my glasses, more about them next month)

This is mainly due to the fact that working for many years operating a business meant I was lucky enough to have 2 phones and 2 laptops and rather than carry them with me I left with a friend in Singapore so it is a short trip to return and re-stock with supplies.

I met two young lads from Poland. Who are taking a break around South East Asia, from their studies to become doctors. They bought bags of energy and enthusiasm to the farm and helped out on a few projects.

Also a great guy and fellow traveller from Canada who is on a long term travel plan like myself.

TIP OF THE POST

Flights from Cambodia to Singapore are approx 2 hours or less, however as Singapore is 1 hour ahead of Cambodia it seems longer. One thing I have found is that if you change your watch to the time you are landing at, it is less confusing and I have been told that on long haul flights doing this helps with jet lag as you dont feel the time change as it happens from the start.